Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
