we have officially lost it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
