You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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