Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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