My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
