Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
