I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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