Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
