I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
