the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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