i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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