the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
