I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
