I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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