You surviving the open bar?
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Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
