so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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