My friends, they love my intelligence
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
