Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
