Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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