it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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