Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
