So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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