Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
