Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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