Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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