We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
