dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
