next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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