Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
