glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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