3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
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