I got chris browned last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
