Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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