You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
