I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
