Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
