how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
