My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
