she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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