What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
