you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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