good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
