I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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