somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
