I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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