Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
