U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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