I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
