i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
