We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
