Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
